I've always hate child stars, starting from way back when, when I was a child. The first child star I saw was Shirley Temple. She was six years old, two foot six and the biggest star in Hollywood. She wore ribbons in her hair, and frilly little pinafores and shiny patent-leather tap shoes - just like the boys in Glee do.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

Never floss with a stranger.

There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.

I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.

Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery; come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!