With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.

I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.

Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery; come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.

All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.