With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.

You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.

I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.

Mel Gibson's father doesn't think there was a Holocaust? Great. I don't think there's a movie. We're even.

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.

Your proudest moment is to watch your egg not just function, but to achieve on her own.

At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass!