With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.

A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.

You know it's time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.

My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.

When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.

My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.

Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.