The people voting for the Oscars are so old. I haven't seen one Academy award voter with a tampon in her purse.
She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.
My personal style is over-the-top dowager. The old days they said get dressed and take one thing off, I say get dressed and put one thing on.
I was just reading about the new Lindsay Lohan diet, which is all liquid. 80 proof.
Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
My daughter refuses to call me mother in public; my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.