Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young'; it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.

I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.

I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to 'ripley's believe it or not' - they sent it back and said, "we don't believe it."

Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.

I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.

Don't cook. Don't clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.

I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.