Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young'; it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.

I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.

You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.

What we do is a calling...we make people happy.

Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.