I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life; my gynecologist examines me by telephone.

Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.

I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.