I could be the Greta Garbo of comedy, very secluded, but Garbo had a man who was beyond rich to support her.

[On plastic surgery:] My motto is: 'Anything that can be lifted should be lifted. Anything that falls should be caught. And try to catch any falling stuff before it hits the ground.

to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.

I hate McDonald's. I don't want to order my dinner by yelling into a clown's mouth. If I want my face in a clown's mouth, I'll tongue kiss Glenn Beck.

I love gay and lesbian parents. But I think we need a law that says lesbians and gay men have to raise their children together. This way, the kids would not only know how to build bookshelves, but they'd also instinctively know how to decorate them.

I'm sure some of you are wondering whether my breasts are real. Let me just explain to you. This one is, this one isn't.

keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.