I could be the Greta Garbo of comedy, very secluded, but Garbo had a man who was beyond rich to support her.

How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.

Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.

If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.

A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.

Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.

"I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'"