What could be nicer than to have three horrible children behind you in an airplane, and the next set, you go onstage and you talk about how much you despise the children and what you would like to do to them on an airplane? That's the only time I would gladly take a terrorist on. It'd be worth it to get rid of these children.

On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.

I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'

Boy George is all England needs. Another queen who can't dress.

I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.