My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, "Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia?" Shelia had died at birth.

I could stop and live carefully but that's ridiculous. I don't want to live carefully.

Never admit that your back goes out more than you do

I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done. You can tune me out, you can click me off, it's OK. I am not going to bow to political correctness.

Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'

I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.

I can't wear yellow anymore. It's too matchy-matchy with my catheter.