I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.

I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag.

All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.

Having my daughter, I screamed for twenty-three hours straight. And that was just during conception.

Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.

Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.

When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.