I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.

I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.

My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.

If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.

[On plastic surgery:] My motto is: 'Anything that can be lifted should be lifted. Anything that falls should be caught. And try to catch any falling stuff before it hits the ground.

I’m never without a bandage.

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.