I was not an attractive child.

How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.

The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.

Marriage isn't a contest to see who is most often right. Marriage requires being what the Japanese call 'the wise bamboo,' which means you bend so you don't break. Treat your spouse with the flexibility and respect you would give to a top client. Think how we treat clients; We smile, we are polite, we listen to their ideas. Never forget that your spouse is your most important client.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.