I was not an attractive child.

You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

Life is a movie, and you're the star. Give it a happy ending.

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.