Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.

Two is company; three is fifty bucks.

Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!

Don't cook. Don't clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.

The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.

"I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'"

I could be the Greta Garbo of comedy, very secluded, but Garbo had a man who was beyond rich to support her.