The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
You know it's time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.