Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.

I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.

You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.

You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.

I said to my husband, 'my boobs have gone, my stomach's gone, say something nice about my legs.' He said, 'Blue goes with everything.'

Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.

I've always hate child stars, starting from way back when, when I was a child. The first child star I saw was Shirley Temple. She was six years old, two foot six and the biggest star in Hollywood. She wore ribbons in her hair, and frilly little pinafores and shiny patent-leather tap shoes - just like the boys in Glee do.