A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
Joan RiversBecause I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
Joan RiversYou know it's time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.
Joan RiversEdgar had a heart attack, and I'm to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.
Joan Rivers