I now consider it a good day when I don't step on my boobs.

I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed is when he's having an asthma attack.

The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius' bathroom floor.

If you hate something, you hate it, and if you like something or somebody, you like it, but tell the truth. And most celebrities have that thin veneer that they will not break for you.

When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.