She's so hairy - when she lifted up her arm I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit.

I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, "Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe."

I now consider it a good day when I don't step on my boobs.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

I said to my husband, 'my boobs have gone, my stomach's gone, say something nice about my legs.' He said, 'Blue goes with everything.'

We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.

Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.