Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.

Run scared ... and they never catch you.

You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.

Never floss a stranger.

Your proudest moment is to watch your egg not just function, but to achieve on her own.

Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?