Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.

They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.

My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.

A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.

My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.

I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.