I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”

Every television show you go on is a choice.

Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.

If you hate something, you hate it, and if you like something or somebody, you like it, but tell the truth. And most celebrities have that thin veneer that they will not break for you.

My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.