In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only surprise is a day that has none.

I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'

My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.

old age' is always ten years more than we are.

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.

I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done. You can tune me out, you can click me off, it's OK. I am not going to bow to political correctness.