All my friends are dying. That's why I always wear black.

The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius' bathroom floor.

My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.

You know it's time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.

I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.

Any form of complacency is the kiss of death for any professional.

Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.