Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.

I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.

I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.

A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year - and has yet to receive a Mother's Day card from one of them.

I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: "Last Girl Before Freeway."

In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only surprise is a day that has none.

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.