God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed is when he's having an asthma attack.
A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
Grandchildren can be annoying - how many times can you go: "And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink"? It's like talking to a supermodel.