Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.

Never admit that your back goes out more than you do

Don't cook. Don't clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.

I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays

Having my daughter, I screamed for twenty-three hours straight. And that was just during conception.

Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery; come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.