Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.

Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.

Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up - and gay men should stand up at least halfway.

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.

My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, "Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia?" Shelia had died at birth.

I've learned: When you get older, who cares? I don't mince words, I don't hold back. What are you gonna do to me? Fire me? It's been done. Threaten to commit suicide? Done. Take away my show? Done! Not invite to me to the Vanity Fair party? I've never been invited! If I ever saw the invitation, I'd use it as toilet paper.