Any form of complacency is the kiss of death for any professional.

Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.

All my friends are dying. That's why I always wear black.

Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.

She's so hairy - when she lifted up her arm I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit.

I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.

Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you're okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.