Any form of complacency is the kiss of death for any professional.

The last time I appeared in Las Vegas, they were wearing hoop skirts and Davy Crockett hats, ... But they say 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.' And as far as fashion is concerned, that's a good thing.

Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.

Both of my parents got to see me host Carson, thank God. That's all anyone wants: to have their parents see they're going to be all right in life.

A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.

Grandchildren can be annoying - how many times can you go: "And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink"? It's like talking to a supermodel.

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.