Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.

A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year - and has yet to receive a Mother's Day card from one of them.

Having my daughter, I screamed for twenty-three hours straight. And that was just during conception.

Boy George is all England needs. Another queen who can't dress.

No man will ever put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.

My mother told me 'man on top, woman underneath.' For years my husband & I slept in bunk beds.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.