Life is a movie, and you're the star. Give it a happy ending.
If you can't make fun of yourself, you don't have any right to make fun of others
God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.