Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.

Comedy - and I say this with humility - comedy needs me.

I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.

I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!

Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.

Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.