I don’t drink anymore - just the same amount.
If you drink like a fish, don't drive: swim.
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.
Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.
Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for U.S. Steel.
They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.