It pays to get drunk with the best people.

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for U.S. Steel.

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.