I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.