There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors.

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

We can afford almost any mistake once.

If you drink like a fish, don't drive: swim.

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.