Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

I never went to school beyond the 3rd grade, but my mother taught me the difference between right and wrong.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.