Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.

Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for U.S. Steel.

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

I never went to school beyond the 3rd grade, but my mother taught me the difference between right and wrong.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.