Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

We can afford almost any mistake once.