They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.

I never went to school beyond the 3rd grade, but my mother taught me the difference between right and wrong.

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.