You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to roll over and float on his back, then you got something!

Boys, I have been rich and I have been poor, and believe me being rich is better.

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.

I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors.

We can afford almost any mistake once.

I drink to forget I drink.

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.