You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to roll over and float on his back, then you got something!

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.