You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

I drink to forget I drink.

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.

You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to roll over and float on his back, then you got something!

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.