Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.

Boys, I have been rich and I have been poor, and believe me being rich is better.

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.