I had a great time on News Radio, I got to make tons of money in relative obscurity and learn a lot about the TV biz and work on my standup act constantly. It was a dream gig.

Despite all the advancements in science, and all things about religion that are disproved it still marches on. The bottom line is that the only real, absolutely provable answers about life and our place in the universe are provided by science, and religion has been holding down science since day one.

Aspire to be the man you pretend to be when you're trying to get laid.

The comics I hate are thieves. Nothing's more disgusting than a guy who steals another person's ideas and tries to claim them as his own.

Houston people are way cool. They're smart, they know how to have a good time, and they have the hottest chicks on the planet there.

When I started out I was definitely more traditional. It was 1988. Everyone was doing the Jerry Seinfeld.

People say you can abuse marijuana. You can abuse cheeseburgers. Does that mean we should close Burger Kings.