Every single religion that has ever been on the face of the Earth, ever, is a cult. That’s all they are.

Aspire to be the man you pretend to be when you're trying to get laid.

I think there is more comedians now than ever, more venues now than ever. There are stand-ups who live in towns where they don't have many comedy clubs where they are organizing more comedy nights in bars. I just think this is a fantastic time for stand up.

I see martial arts as moving forms of meditation. When you're sparring or drilling techniques, you can't think of anything else.

I don't care if you're gay, black, Chinese, straight. That means nothing to me. It's all an illusion.

Most of my bits are long stream-of-consciousness- type things, and when I'm doing them onstage, other places to take the theme or idea will hit me, and I just go with it.

People for the most part can smell lies.