Aspire to be the man you pretend to be when you're trying to get laid.

It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.

As a longtime practitioner of yoga and a person who's been involved in physical fitness my whole life, I can tell you, yoga helps you achieve altered states of consciousness. It is not just stretching. The only way you can say that it's stretching is if you haven't done it, or that you haven't done it rigorously for a long period of time.

Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even funnier offstage than he was onstage because he would say nasty things. Dave Foley's very funny, very witty guy, very quick.

I’m afraid of heights. Not unreasonably, but rationally afraid of heights. I think everyone is.

I don`t like people that make their living talking about bullshit, and you see them in many shows that are made on the same subject. When you go looking at UFOs or bigfoot or what-have-you, there's just nothing there.

Like if you all were going to go out and one guy's like "you know what man I'm going to stay home I'm feeling kind of shitty," you go, "You faggot." That's what it means. It's about a guy wimping out, being a douchebag...it has nothing to do with your sexual orientation.