Be the hero of your own story.

There's a lot of people that I disagree with that I think I could have interesting conversations with. What I don't want to get into is manufactured conflict. I would much rather talk to someone like Dr. Rhonda Patrick or Randall Carlson and be mesmerized by information. I guess in a way that's selfish, or maybe not objective of me. The older (and hopefully wiser) I get the less interested I am in conflict. I don't mind disagreeing with people in a civil way, but I definitely don't want to go out of my way to have an argument unless it's a really important subject.

My act is so completely and totally uncensored that the only way I could really pull it off is if I treat the audience like they're my best friends.

If you ever start taking things too seriously, just remember that we are talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe.

Have you ever talked to someone, and you're not even really talking to them? Actors are the worst for that.

When I started out I was definitely more traditional. It was 1988. Everyone was doing the Jerry Seinfeld.

If the world was an etch-a-sketch, glaciers are the big shake.