Be the hero of your own story.

If someone plays a brooding actor in a film, people think they're brooding all the time.

You want to talk about the word faggot because it really offends you? Well you're a douchebag.

I'm a nightclub comic. That's what I do. I work in the clubs uncensored because my mind is uncensored, and those are the thoughts that I have. I do the kind of comedy that I would enjoy seeing.

Stand-up is still my favorite, but the podcast is a close second. It's so fun, and it's given me the oppor-tunity to have three-hour conversations with people I wouldn't have otherwise been able to talk to. When I talked to Maynard Keenan from Tool, I almost couldn't believe it was happening.

My act is so completely and totally uncensored that the only way I could really pull it off is if I treat the audience like they're my best friends.

I don`t like people that make their living talking about bullshit, and you see them in many shows that are made on the same subject. When you go looking at UFOs or bigfoot or what-have-you, there's just nothing there.