Be the hero of your own story.

A comic, all they have to do is, if you do something funny in a comedy club and you put it up on you tube, it might get a million hits! All it needs to do is resonate with one person who sends it to their friends, who sends it to other people, and before you know it, it has spread virally and BOOM! All of a sudden that person has a name.

People do always try to smoke pot with me. But I think some of those people are cops.

This country has a mental health problem disguised as a gun problem, and a tyranny problem disguised as a security problem.

I prefer older people to college kids [as audience] for the most part. I want people with life experience, people that understand where I'm coming from.

If Tyson Griffin was a girl, I'd say he has a badonkadonk.

If you are the greatest, why would you go around talking about it?