I've actually been doing stand up for more than 20 years. I started in 1988. It's almost 30 years! Which is crazy.

Aspire to be the man you pretend to be when you're trying to get laid.

Like if you all were going to go out and one guy's like "you know what man I'm going to stay home I'm feeling kind of shitty," you go, "You faggot." That's what it means. It's about a guy wimping out, being a douchebag...it has nothing to do with your sexual orientation.

Houston Alexander is for real!

The comics I hate are thieves. Nothing's more disgusting than a guy who steals another person's ideas and tries to claim them as his own.

Sometimes faggot is the right word. There's a trend in this country to avoid words: "We can't say that one anymore it's offensive."

We live in a society that makes it really easy for these pussies to get by.