The number one reason why marijuana is illegal is because the Pharma Cartel does not want you to grow your own medicine. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper. The first car ever made ran on hemp oil. Hemp seeds are also the healthiest food on the planet with the highest protein content out of any plant.

Most of my bits are long stream-of-consciousness- type things, and when I'm doing them onstage, other places to take the theme or idea will hit me, and I just go with it.

People for the most part can smell lies, at least I thought that until I saw audiences applaud at Carlos Mencia.

When you're jealous, especially of someone else's art or creations you automatically put up these selfish walls that reinforce your stupid ideas. It's hard to pull those walls down and look at what you're hiding. Look at your own weakness and realize that the jealousy came from knowing that you're intimidated by someone else's work, and that when you compare it to your own, you fall short.

If you're dumb enough to do crack, you're supposed to die. It's evolution.

A lot of times, you beat a person who beat a person who can beat you. I mean, it doesn't make any sense.

People say you can abuse marijuana. You can abuse cheeseburgers. Does that mean we should close Burger Kings.