The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time.

There's a classic story I tell about when I did the Man Show about the retarded conversations that you have with the executive producers and the network.

It's a very strange thing when you make nature illegal.

Apartment living is tough action. Just the whole idea that you share a washer and dryer always freaked me out.

Cities are natural, that's why they're everywhere. It's not like there's only one city, and everybody's like 'What the f**k is this?' No, cities are all over the place. They're natural. You know what's not natural? You, in the middle of the mountains, in the middle of the winter.

Omigawa is moving forward like a karate robot

If Tyson Griffin was a girl, I'd say he has a badonkadonk.