I've been involved in mixed martial arts since 1997 when I first started working for the UFC.

You want to talk about the word faggot because it really offends you? Well you're a douchebag.

Anytime we go to a new town I try to book a show. I literally know nothing about the club.

No girl wants a secretly gay boyfriend, every dude wants a secretly gay girlfriend.

Because I have a girlfriend, I try and take the straight and narrow path, which is good because it prevents VD.

Now obviously popularity isn't everything when it comes to stand up comedy, but the art form itself is better today than it ever has before. I think there are more great comics. I think the standard is higher. The critical analysis is a little harsher, but that is also good. Maybe people have a higher standard than before, maybe they are a little more judgmental, a little more brutal, that makes people work harder. It makes the stand up better.

Haters...are all failures. It's 100% across the board. No one who is truly brilliant at anything is a hater.