We have to start treating each other as if we are treating ourselves living another life.

I did a lot of crazy gigs man. I hosted a Jack and Jill strip club in Woonsocket Rhode Island which is this tiny depressing fishing town, all Portuguese immigrants and it's just a humorless, dark town.

I really never had any ambitions to be a standup comic. I was talked into it by guys that I used to work out with.

Comedy shows in D.C. are so much fun. I think because of the intense area that is connected to politics that people need, they need their down time. D.C. audiences are almost universally praised by comedians.

Sometimes faggot is the right word. There's a trend in this country to avoid words: "We can't say that one anymore it's offensive."

Aspire to be the man you pretend to be when you're trying to get laid.

I definitely had one guy come up to me and ask if I knew where to get DMT. He had a crewcut and he didn't look like he'd ever done a drug in his life. He didn't seem curious he seemed like he wanted to get me to do something. Like "You're the laziest narc ever dude. This is ridiculous. What, do you think I bring drugs around with me? Are you retarded? Why don't you go find gangsters?"