I'm really happy that I've been able to make people laugh and distract them from their day to day bullshit at a comedy show or because they enjoyed one of my CDs or TV specials, but I don't know how many people have actually had life changing thoughts because of it.

I’m afraid of heights. Not unreasonably, but rationally afraid of heights. I think everyone is.

People for the most part can smell lies, at least I thought that until I saw audiences applaud at Carlos Mencia.

I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator.

My act is so completely and totally uncensored that the only way I could really pull it off is if I treat the audience like they're my best friends.

People say you can abuse marijuana. You can abuse cheeseburgers. Does that mean we should close Burger Kings.

Anytime we go to a new town I try to book a show. I literally know nothing about the club.