You know that things are not going well when you lose the moral high ground to a TMZ reporter.

Americans just don't understand dry wit.

I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley -- the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in the history of Earth. And now, you're in your Vegas years. You've squeezed yourself into a white jumpsuit, you're wheezing your way through 'Love Me Tender' and you might be about to pass away bloated on the toilet. But you're still the King.

When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain.

I did sketch comedy, but I never did improv. So I've just tried to learn as I go.

Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest.

I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior.