I think deep down, this planet yearns for the days of the British Empire again. They long once more to be treated that badly, that politely. We did far worse things than you can possibly dream of, but we did it with that certainly gentlemanly swagger... Dreadfully sorry, but we seem to have crushed your entire continent's infrastructure. Allow me to make it up to you by offering you a job 4,000 miles away. No, no, I insist.

If you want to do something evil, put it inside something boring.

It's pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa.

You don't need people’s opinion on a fact. You might as well have a poll asking: ‘Which number is bigger, 15 or 5?’ or ‘Do owls exist?’ or ‘Are there hats?'

The British press are a group of unremitting scumbags. And sometimes they use that scumbaggery to good ends, and often not.

Democracy is like a tambourine, not everyone can be trusted with it.

There's never any time I think I'm a real journalist, because I don't have any of the qualifications or the intentions for that.