I do one accent - my own. I can make it louder or quieter. That is the sum total of my vocal range. I thought I could do an American accent until I tried it in front of an American - the expression of horror is still burnt onto my retinas.

Economics is like the Dutch language - I'm told it makes sense, but I have my doubts.

I really love stand-up. I'm more than happy to do it for nothing. I've come to America to do it for nothing. It's the American Dream: Work for free.

Every empire has to get sucked down the drain. As a British person, I know how it feels.

I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn't happen.

When you've married someone who's been at war, there is nothing you can do that compares to that level of selflessness and bravery.

The British press are a group of unremitting scumbags. And sometimes they use that scumbaggery to good ends, and often not.