Australia turns out to be a sensational place, albeit one of the most comfortably racist places I've ever been in. They've really settled into their intolerance like an old resentful slipper.

I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn't happen.

Stand-up, for me, is really more of an addiction, so you have to feed the beast whenever you can.

I think being an outsider in general always helps you in comedy. I think it helps to have an outsider's eye. And so I have an outsider's voice. You know, as soon as I start talking, I don't belong here. And I think that helps in a way.

Florida, just because you're shaped like some combination of a gun and a d*ck doesn't mean you have to act that way.

Iran is the middle child of the Axis of Evil. Iraq is the oldest child and gets the lion's share of the attention, and North Korea is the crazy baby.

Net neutrality: The only two words that promise more boredom in the English language are 'featuring Sting,'