Mr. President, no one is saying you broke any laws, we're just saying it's a little bit weird you didn't have to.

I'm not really much of an actor, so when I started on 'The Daily Show', I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson.

Once you learn how to make people laugh, then you get to choose exactly how you want to make them laugh.

I have a green card now, but they can take that away, yeah, they can take that away at any moment. So please don't; please let me keep it.

The British media is sinking down, as the American news media has lowered the bar for all of humanity. British news media is definitely trying to stoop down to that level. Everyone is stooping to the lowest common denominator.

We invented words; we'll tell you how they're supposed to sound.

News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right.