Mr. President, no one is saying you broke any laws, we're just saying it's a little bit weird you didn't have to.

I think deep down, this planet yearns for the days of the British Empire again. They long once more to be treated that badly, that politely. We did far worse things than you can possibly dream of, but we did it with that certainly gentlemanly swagger... Dreadfully sorry, but we seem to have crushed your entire continent's infrastructure. Allow me to make it up to you by offering you a job 4,000 miles away. No, no, I insist.

The Confederate flag is one of those things that should only be seen on t-shirts, belt buckles and bumper stickers to help the rest of us identify the worst people in the world.

There's never any time I think I'm a real journalist, because I don't have any of the qualifications or the intentions for that.

I think it might honestly be time for the Sunshine State to officially change its motto to the Worst State.

One thing that America is objectively exceptional at is overreacting whenever anyone accuses them of not being exceptional.

I don't know if there is some psychological thing of wanting to know where your doctor got his degree from before he comes into the medical room.