People are always going to say stupid things, and you're always going to be able to make jokes about that, but it should be the last thing you add in, because it's the easiest thing.

Wow. Losing 95 percent of your audience in just five years. That basically makes Obama the NBC of presidents.

I have a green card now, but they can take that away, yeah, they can take that away at any moment. So please don't; please let me keep it.

When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it's funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It means he had funny moments when his rear end was speaking louder than his mouth.

Veterans' issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually.

I'm not really much of an actor, so when I started on 'The Daily Show', I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson.

I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression.