I do not want to leave in [U.S.] ... I cannot make that clear enough to immigration authorities who may be listening to this interview. I don't want to leave, so please don't make me.

I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression.

Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being.

Florida, just because you're shaped like some combination of a gun and a d*ck doesn't mean you have to act that way.

Americans just don't understand dry wit.

I was definitely prepared for it to be slower, and it has not worked out that way in any shape or form. I'm grateful as a comedian, and slightly demoralized, occasionally, as a human being - those two things are always very different.

If your name is Sepp, at the bare minimum you’ve strangled someone in a bar fight.