I do not want to leave in [U.S.] ... I cannot make that clear enough to immigration authorities who may be listening to this interview. I don't want to leave, so please don't make me.

I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn't happen.

Armando Iannucci is one of my heroes. As I was growing up, he was probably the most influential comic voice that I had.

The poverty line is like the age of consent: if you find yourself parsing exactly where it is, you’ve probably already done something very, very wrong.

British people would die for their right to drink themselves to death.

Welcome to The Daily Show, I'm John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a live-action Lord of the Rings role-playing experience deep in the New Zealand wilderness.

It really helps a comedian to be an outsider.