Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word.

If you’re asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which I would have voted for Mitt Romney unless I sustained a massive concussion.

Wow. Losing 95 percent of your audience in just five years. That basically makes Obama the NBC of presidents.

Net neutrality: The only two words that promise more boredom in the English language are 'featuring Sting,'

Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back.

I guess the tone of jokes is often, at best, irreverent, but it always comes from a place of deep love.

I can't relax. I find vacations problematic.