One thing that America is objectively exceptional at is overreacting whenever anyone accuses them of not being exceptional.

I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes.

I do not want to leave in [U.S.] ... I cannot make that clear enough to immigration authorities who may be listening to this interview. I don't want to leave, so please don't make me.

Attending a Sarah Palin rally was simultaneously one of the strangest and most chilling events of my life.

I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in!

I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior.

I don't think I'm identified as the anchorman, I think I'm identified as the impostor anchorman - there's a very clear line there ... I don't think it changes the way they respond.